


Periastron

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Marauders' Era, Romance, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2004-06-25
Packaged: 2018-05-18 14:58:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5932507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus and Sirius' come together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Periastron

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

Remus was asleep and Peter had gone home for the Christmas holiday, so when James returned from his date with Lily, only Sirius heard him come in. He looked round the bed's curtains, saw James smiling in the light he had called up. "Do you know what time it is, James Potter?" he asked in a mock-horrified whisper.

James came over to his bedside. "Some things can't be rushed, Sirius."

"I bet. Let's see. You were probably discussing the benefits of using quensos powder instead of evenoll leaves in an imperano potion. Right?"

"No, no potions involved. We were -- busy," James said delicately.

"Ah, thanks," said Sirius quickly. "Well, in that case, I don't want to know the details." He started to close the curtain.

"Sirius, wait. Actually --" Here James cleared his throat before going on. "Lily and I were also talking about finding **you** someone."

"Finding me someone?" Sirius repeated. "As in romance, as in a talk-sweet-nothings-with kind of someone?

"Well, that's not a bad thing --"

"This from the person who said people who went about being lovey-dovey were idiots?"

James' face might have reddened. In the dim light it was difficult to see. "I was what, twelve, thirteen, when I said that? I can't believe you remembered it."

"Oh, I think about it every time I see you and Lily giving each other deer eyes. I really don't want to hear the details of this plot of yours either." Sirius slid the curtain shut. 

Silence, then a gleam of light as James opened the bed's curtain again. "But, Sirius, we think it would be nice if you found somebody special --"

"Why is it when people fall in love, they get the sudden urge to infect others?" he asked irritably.

"But aren't you lonely? Don't you want --"

"I want to go to sleep, Prongs!" Sirius grabbed the drapes again, blocking out his friend's face.

James's voice was muffled through them. "So you wouldn't be interested if Lily and I --"

"No... I'm fine."

The pause that followed gave Sirius hope that James had given up. Until...

"Oh, good, you **do** like somebody then." The satisfaction in James' tone made Sirius' nerves itch. He groaned into his pillow.

"Who is it? It has to be somebody here..."

Sirius sat up and pulled the curtains aside once more. "James," he growled, "in case you haven't noticed, this is the time when people like to sleep. I'd like to join them!"

"Alright. I won't bother you anymore -- tonight." 

As he started to walk away, Sirius couldn't help asking. "Why are you so concerned about me anyway? What about...Peter! He needs all the help he can get. He'd appreciate it!"

James' eyes narrowed as they examined him. "Why do I get the feeling Peter's welfare is not uppermost in your heart?" he asked with a smirk.

Sirius shrugged. "Better him than me in this case," he said. "Now go to bed." He closed the curtains shut and laid back down.

"Good-night." 

Then James' whisper came across to him. "You know, Sirius, of all my best friends, you're the best of them."

"Thanks." He was touched but tried to sound sardonic. Prongs didn't need any encouragement from him to continue this insane plan. 

"I will, however, find out who it is you have your sights on. Lily and I will try our best to help you. Then we'll see what we can do for Remus and Peter."

Sirius curled up under his blankets. "You know, you can be a real stubborn pain, James."

"I sure can." James' voice faded as he headed to his bed.

Shifting until he found a more comfortable position, Sirius sighed. Why couldn't he tell James how he felt about Remus? Perhaps they **could** help. After all, he'd had a crush on Remus since they were in third year and didn't have much to show for it. 

Was it embarrassment or pride that kept him from admitting his feelings? Perhaps. But mostly, Sirius reflected, he was afraid. He loved Remus so much, he didn't dare to risk their friendship -- if he told him, and he didn't reciprocate, it would be so awkward. And then they were so different. Remus so quiet and he so loud. Maybe they were too different to be together like that. 

Besides, Remus had never showed a sign that he cared for him beyond friendship, unless he was hiding it, too... unless he thought that...

It was all such a confusing mess. It was almost easier just to pretend it didn't exist. But at night it was harder, when there were no distractions and his thoughts were his only company. Then the strange mixture of love and pain would return. 

Sirius hugged himself as he recalled the first time he had looked upon the brown-haired boy with new eyes. It had been in Professors Binns' class, during one of his usual non-exciting lectures. Remus had been leaning his head on a hand, staring out the window, and with a suddenness Sirius had never been able to explain, he had looked absolutely beautiful to him. 

So beautiful. Since that afternoon, almost three years ago, Sirius had given Remus countless secret looks. If only they had ever been returned! 

After he, James and Peter had become Animagi, Sirius had taken advantage of the opportunities his similar canine form had given him. Then he could touch his Remus in playful ways that his human counterpart would never do. Roughly tussling with him in the grass, playing tag, tenderly rubbing his nose against the softness of the werewolf's grey fur. So many times Sirius had wondered if Remus' skin was as soft, his scent as sweet.

Sirius swallowed. But there was so much to lose if he admitted to his feelings. Remus might not react with anger, most likely with pity or unease, but Sirius couldn't stand the thought of either. 

"Damnit," he muttered to himself.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

James was peering at the titles on the shelf above him while Lily did the same to the stack opposite. "Are you sure he didn't give you a clue?" she asked.

"Nope. Just kept telling me to go to sleep." He pulled a book out, "Fascinating Facts on the Influence of Flowers." Handed it down to his girlfriend. "Is this one of them?"

Lily looked at her list. "Yes." She laid it on top of the pile on the floor. 

"Wonder if you're in it?" James asked with a small smile. " **You're** very influential."

"I better be." She gave him a kiss as he stepped off the ladder. "That's enough for now. Let's take these back."

Sitting at their table, already crowded with numerous other books, their conversation reverted to Sirius. "He really didn't seem too appreciative of our offer," James said, chuckling. "And did you see how nervous he was over breakfast? Good thing Remus was able to get him to eat something."

Lily gave him a look. "This is Sirius we're talking about, James. You know he likes being in charge of things. We'll have to do this very carefully." She opened a book, flipping through its pages distractedly. "Now if he likes someone, it's obvious that the person doesn't know, otherwise he wouldn't feel so threatened by our help. Unlike you, who told me how you felt within a matter of..."

"Days," James supplied. 

"Days, Sirius, whom one would think would act just as straightforward, has failed to get anything done. He **would** have told you if he'd asked somebody out, wouldn't he?"

James frowned as he thought. "Yes. And if he'd been turned down by somebody that important, he would have laughed about it and then never mention it again. He's quite sensitive despite his boisterous exterior."

Lily nodded. "Yes," she said softly.

James reasoned. "If he's in love with somebody, he must think they are so special they wouldn't see him as a potential boyfriend. Which could mean that he hasn't dared to take even the first step."

"Leaving him in an awkward lurch," she agreed. She looked suddenly at James. "You don't think it's someone who's already spoken for, do you?"

"I hope not. I'm not about to break up one couple to make another." He gazed at her, troubled. 

Lily gave up on her book, shutting it with a slam. "Alright then, the first thing we have to do is find out **who** it is. If they **are** with another, we can't do too much about it. But if not..."

"Potential," he said flatly, but with hope in his eyes. 

"So special." Lily thoughtfully repeated James' earlier words. "Who do we know whom Sirius would think is special? Well, that list can't be too long." She gave a wry smile.

Both considered the students whom Sirius interacted with. James bit his nail. The memory nagged of Sirius speaking sympathetically with...of Padfoot gently touching noses with... 

How had he not noticed? "Remus," he said.

Lily folded her arms and sat back in her chair. "Yes," she said after a moment. "Yes. It has to be him! And Remus isn't with anybody!" Her green eyes sparkled with relief. "And he **is** special, so sweet and gentle; I've hardly ever seen him angry. In fact, he's almost perfect!" 

James mock-glared at her. "And what am I, the left-overs?" 

Lily smacked him one on the arm. "You're almost perfect, too. Now let's ponder."

A moment of pondering, then their eyes met. "Well," James uttered slowly, "I could definitely imagine anyone feeling intimidated by Remus if you describe him like that."

She stared at the books on the table before her. "And of course the other issues here are: does Remus know how Sirius feels -- and most importantly, does he return the feeling?"

James scratched his head. "Well..." Once more, he remembered how his two friends behaved on those night of the full moon. Remus, affected by the change within himself...the werewolf had always given Padfoot more liberties with his person than to Prongs and Wormtail. He **did** growl at the dog, but was less menacing than it to the stag and rat.

On several occasions, Moony had come out of the Shrieking Shack and wanted only to play with the huge black dog that was Sirius. Sometimes, he'd even curled up and nuzzled him while the night passed by, regardless of any plans the group might have made together. And Sirius had been almost lamblike in his meekness.

But then morning would come, seeing Remus, pale and weak, quiet and polite. Who would certainly hesitate at being so bold with his emotions. And Sirius would go back to his usual rambunctious personality.

Where had his mind been, James wondered again. Why hadn't he noticed before?

"I think it's very possible that he loves him back," James said now. "Whether he knows how Sirius feels is something else. Remus --" he stopped.

Lily didn't know of Remus' secret, or of the Marauders being Animagi. And he wasn't going to tell that even to her without permission. James proceeded cautiously. "Remus isn't too confident about some things, Lily. I don't think he feels it's right for him...to be with somebody in a romantic way."

She was confused by that, and bothered. "Why not?"

James adjusted his glasses. "He just doesn't, that's all. I can't tell you any details." He looked at her until she nodded reluctant acceptance. "But with Sirius...maybe it could work out for them." He studied the table as he thought.

He could understand the reluctance Remus could feel at being with a girl. If he ever married her, there was a chance, slim though it might be, that their children would be infected with his affliction. He would never wish another person to suffer as he did. But with Sirius, the concern about children would not exist, and his Animagus ability would protect Sirius from the danger Moony posed to other humans.

"Maybe it could work for them," James whispered. He smiled at Lily. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

They decided to split up and speak to Sirius and Remus alone; James with Remus and Lily with Sirius as James knew Sirius would be more polite to Lily than to him. The goal: to get both Sirius and Remus so jealous at the possibility of seeing the other with another person, that they'd be forced to reveal their feelings for each other. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

James found Remus in the Gryffindor common room, writing away at an essay, looking, as usual, quite pale. "Here, maybe this will help." He gave him some candy, gratefully accepted. 

"Thanks." Remus popped it into his mouth, a smile lightening his features. "I'll be so happy when this is done. I'm so sick of it."

"Is that the one due at the turn of the year?" 

The other boy nodded. "Just eleven more pieces of parchments to go."

James moved some book from a chair and sat down. "I'm sure you'll do well on it, Moony. You always do." He stared at his friend. How was he going to ask him?

Remus sucked on his candy for a moment, then put down his quill, curious. "Can I help you with something, James?" 

"Umm, well -- well, yes, I guess." At the other's raised eyebrows, he rushed on. "I was wondering...are you interested in anybody right now?" 

A hesitation. "Why do you ask?" Remus crossed his arms, a small frown crossing his face.

"Lily and I were thinking of setting you up on a date," James admitted. "And I just wanted to know if you liked anyone in particular."

"Since when did you two start a dating service?" The hard candy was crunched to bits and swallowed. 

This wasn't going as well as he'd expected, James thought, feeling oddly threatened by the quiet tone; he'd never felt this with Sirius at his loudest. "You see, we were thinking about finding somebody for Sirius --"

"Sirius?" Remus' soft voice became unusually sharp. "You're going to get **him** a date?"

"Why not?" James affected a casualness he did not feel. "It would be nice to see him have some fun, don't you think? With someone besides the Marauders, I mean. Anyway," he added hastily as Remus' frown increased, "we didn't feel it right to leave you out, and of course, we'll ask Peter too. But... but... so -- **is** there somebody special for you?" 

'Well, that could have been handled better, James,' he thought, berating himself for feeling nervous with his friend.

Remus looked away, then back. "With whom were you thinking of pairing him?"

James tried his best to appear innocent. "Er -- Lily and I haven't decided yet. Still in the planning stages actually." 

"I see." And Remus said nothing else, simply stared at the tabletop.

Hope returned to James. Could this actually work? He leaned closer. "You don't approve of Sirius dating?" At the other's continued silence, James shook his head. "Remus, I must say I'm surprised at you."

The smaller boy didn't lift his eyes. "Did he...did he say he liked any..." Fade into silence.

"Lily's talking with him right now." James got up, patted Remus on the shoulder. "But, here, you just think about it and you can tell me later who you have in mind."

Remus stared up at him, a hint of frown returning. 

'Exit James Potter,' he thought to himself, 'leaving behind a perturbed spirit.' He let a pleased (and slightly relieved) smile out as soon as he'd left the common room.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Sirius was sitting on one of the entrance hall nooks, attempting to study. Uncomfortable with the idea of being in the common room, when there was a very real threat of the troublesome twosome barging in to fix him up right in front of Moony, Sirius frankly preferred sitting down here in the freezing hall. At least he might avoid being embarrassed in front of Remus.

Still, it was ridiculous that he'd been forced to this, he thought, as he awkwardly balanced 

book, parchment, and quill on his knees to write. Ridiculous. 

And oh, look, there was one of them. Lily, smiling as she came near. Now he'd have to be polite. James knew that. 

"Damn you, James," Sirius mumbled under his breath as Lily plopped down next to him, not even saying hello, but getting right to business.

"Now, Sirius," she said, "I know that you and James talked last night, so why don't you just come out with it. Who is it that you like?"

The look he gave her was inches short of a full glare -- before he remembered who he was talking to. "Nobody, Lily. Now would you let me work?" He went back to his book, but looked at her surreptitiously.

She was absently eyeing the picture on the wall beside them. "That's too bad, Sirius. I was really looking forward to you joining us. I mean Remus will --"

"Remus?" He lowered his book, ignoring the parchments that scattered to the floor. "You've found him a date?" 

She handed him his papers up, nodding. "James is talking with him right now. Oh, Sirius, are you **sure** you wouldn't want to join in? We'd have lots of fun."

"Who did you chose for him?"

"Well, we haven't actually decided yet. As I said, we're still getting things...why, Sirius," she said, touching his arm, "is **Remus** the person you like?"

He growled quietly to himself. His secret hadn't lasted too long. He kept silent.

She patted him on the shoulder. "It's nothing to be embarrassed about, you know. In fact, it's wonderful! And it would make everything so much easier!" 

Sirius turned to see her smile. "It would?" 

"Of course. None of that worrisome "do they like me?" kind of thinking, since you're already friends. You see, it's excellent!."

Sirius rolled the parchments up slowly. "Lily...I'm not sure that this is a good idea --"

Lily shushed him. "What do you mean? Anyone would love to have you as their boyfriend. You're warm, friendly, love to laugh, smart, witty, good-looking..." She stopped listing, gave him a mock-glare. "I see you're not disagreeing with me, Sirius!" 

He smiled slightly, hating himself for actually blushing.

She continued, more quietly. "What I'm trying to say is, I think you and Remus could make a good couple. Your personalities are great counterparts to each other, and I'm sure by this time you already know most of each other's faults, so there won't be anything too surprising there. You know, it could be something very special." Lily studied him. "Would it be easier if we asked him for you?"

Yes, he thought to himself. But it wouldn't be right. Whatever Remus' answer, he should be the one to tell him how he felt. God knew, he'd been passive for too long.

"No," Sirius said at last. "I appreciate what you and James are trying to do, but if anyone is going to do it, it should be me." He gathered his things together as Lily smiled at him again. He stood up and headed for the stairs.

Suddenly the Great Hall's staircase seemed very short. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Several minutes later, James came strolling down the stairs. Lily waved him over. 

"I just saw Sirius heading up," he said, "quite unlike his usual exuberant self. I decided avoidance was the best policy. So he's going to do it, is he?"

She folded her hands primly on her lap. "Yes. Strangely, **he** decided avoidance was **not** the best policy."

"Still, he didn't look too happy, did he? Of course, the alternative would have been **us** speaking his mind for him. What a horrible thing." A mischievous smile appeared on his face.

She yanked him down to her side. "James Potter, do you know something I don't?" Lily whispered in his ear, "How did Remus react?"

"Oh, right on target. He was pretty steamed up about the whole thing. For Remus, I mean. Jealousy raising its head is not a nice thing to see." James paused, briefly recalling the faint feeling of fear he'd experienced while talking with Remus. "But in a situation like this," he added, "it's just the thing that's called for."

Lily nodded. "I just hope they don't make a mess of it. Otherwise we'll really have to get to work."

James wrapped an arm round her shoulders. "They'll be fine together. You'll see. They're too smart to do anything **that** stupid."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Remus hadn't been in the common room when Sirius had gone in. The corner where he'd settled himself this morning was absolutely empty, his books and papers gone. 

"Have you seen Lupin?" Sirius asked a seventh-year who was reading, feet propped up on the window-sill. 

"Just went up," he replied, indicating the stairs. "He was talking with Potter."

Sirius nodded his thanks. 'James told him I liked him!' was his immediate panicked thought. Slowly, Sirius went upstairs. Slowly, he entered their room. 

As soon as the door opened, Remus glanced round at him, then sat on the edge of his bed, saying nothing. James **had** told Remus. And the response was obvious; not a hint of a smile on Remus' face. Sirius felt like slumping, but instead deposited his books on his four-poster, and went over to stand by Remus. Well, he miserably thought, maybe he could try to get things back to the way they used to be. Maybe he could convince him James was only joking. Aloud he said, "Hi."

"Hello." There was a tone of anger in a voice Sirius had rarely heard angry. 

"I guess James told you..."

"Yes," Remus snapped. "Who is it to be then?"

He blinked. What? Sirius moved to sit next to him and hesitated. "May I join you?"

"If you want." He looked away.

"Remus..." Damn it, he was really angry. What could he say to make things better? 

Horribly, his mind blanked. 

The other boy stood up abruptly. "Well?"

Sirius tried to ignore the fact that Remus had his back to him, and that the unusual anger was growing more obvious by the moment. "I... came to ask you...if you'd want to go out with me." He practically hit himself. 'How the hell did **that** come out?!' "I'm sorry, Remus, I shouldn't have..." Sirius shut up when Remus faced him, wearing an odd expression.

"You want to go out with **me**?" 

"Umm, yes...Didn't James tell you? Isn't that why you're angry at me?"

"No... He said they were going to arrange you with someone else."

Sirius stared at him and shook his head. "James and Lily are a pair of nosey love-birds who are currently attempting to get us together."

"You mean you don't really want to?" Something passed across Remus' face, an expression too fast to be deciphered, but which caused Sirius to leap up from the bed.

"No! No, I mean, of **course** I want to be with you! Hell, I've wanted to for years. It's just -- oh, I know I'm not what you deserve, but, well, I've liked you for so long... I was afraid that you'd..." Sirius faded to a stop at Remus' disbelieving smile.

"You've liked me for years?" At his nod, Remus seemed somewhat shocked. 

"Of course I have. You're beautiful!" He gave Remus a clumsy kiss on the mouth, so quick it was practically non-existent. 

Remus seemed surprised but thankfully not revolted. He cleared his throat. "I don't think I'm..."

It was Sirius' turn to smile. He had finally told Remus things he'd ached for years to say and they were still talking. And his friend's anger had vanished. And he'd kissed Remus! He became bolder. "Well, I think you are. Do you want to argue about it?"

Remus' eyes began to sparkle. A small mischievous smile appeared. "I wouldn't want to hurt your feelings." A little sliver of tongue emerged as he licked his lips. Sirius practically passed out when he saw that. 

He must have done something similar, for Remus' expression became more intent, fastening upon him. When had their rooms gotten so hot? 

He swallowed. "Remus?" It came out as a dry whisper.

"Yes?" 

"Can I kiss you again?" 

Remus smiled. This time he said nothing, but inclined his mouth up to him, and gentle, strong hands reaching up to bring down Sirius' head. Not a quick kiss, but a firm, lingering one. Sirius closed his eyes to better enjoy it. Embracing Remus around the waist, Sirius felt the flutter of lashes against his skin as Remus tilted his head to connect better. 

The kiss was...perfection, and Sirius' eyes were glazed at the end of it. "Mmm. Nice," he said. A pause. "I feel dizzy." It sounded silly, but it was the truth. "Another. Please?"

"Yes," Remus whispered.

Their mouths met repeatedly, until the touches gave way to a slow separation. They stood holding each other. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner how I felt," Sirius said at last. 

"I'm sorry I was so sharp before." Remus frowned slightly. "I **was** angry, Sirius. But not at you."

"Why then?"

For a moment, Remus was quiet, then hugged him impulsively. "I couldn't stand the idea of you being with another. I just **hated** it." The last words were spat out.

Sirius' mind blanked again, but this time with pure happiness. "I'm so glad," he said finally, crushing the other boy to himself. "Don't worry, I'll never be with anyone else. I promise."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

After a quarter of an hour had passed with no word from Remus or Sirius, James' certainty of success changed to mild worry. Lily held his hand in support while they went to investigate. No-one was in the common room, so they proceeded upward to the boys' dormitory. 

James looked over at Sirius' bed, but the pulled-back curtains showed it empty. He went to Remus' bed and stopped, pulling Lily close so she could see. 

Sirius was sitting on the bed, with Remus standing before him. Arms encircled the other's waist while his head rested on Remus' chest. The smaller boy was stroking Sirius' hair.

James and Lily exchanged an exultant look. "I knew it!" the former exclaimed, making the other two jump. His smile stretched from ear to ear. 

Remus made as if to move back but Sirius held him still. "Why did you interrupt for?" he said irritably. "We're trying to have a quiet moment here."

"We just wanted to be sure you hadn't killed each other," Lily replied, bouncing on her toes.

"Well, we haven't," Remus answered. "Not yet." He cheerfully ignored Sirius' scowl, now aimed at all of them. 

Silence fell. 

James cleared his throat in the middle of it. "So...?"

"So?" said Sirius.

"No thanks for our hard work, huh?"

"Thank you," Remus said politely.

"Yeah, thanks. Really," Sirius added. "Now go away!" 

Lily laughed and vanished. James gave an exaggerated bow. "As you wish."

Alone, Remus gave Sirius a stern look. "Even for you, that was a bit rude, Padfoot."

"It's sort of embarrassing...and I just want you to myself right now."

Remus kissed the top of his head. "Well, I can't disagree with you on that." Reluctantly, he eased himself out of the tight embrace. "I still have work to do. Why don't you join me?"

Sirius followed him with his eyes as he went to get his materials. 'It could be a dream,' he suddenly thought. 'He's mine.' Remus' brown hair shined in the sunlight and his face flushed at Sirius' continued stare, but he stood up straighter and gazed at him directly. 'So strong and beautiful, and he's all mine.' Retrieving his books, Sirius impishly wondered how much work they would actually get done.


	2. Chapter 2

Only Remus' constant pushing enabled them to complete their assignments; Sirius had other things he'd rather do, mostly along the lines of kissing, holding, and groping Remus. Still, he was happy enough just spending time alone with him. Today, they were sitting by the lake, with grey clouds overhead and a cool breeze teasing their hair. The smaller boy was tucked in his lap and how Sirius loved the feel of him there. He smelled good, too.

Though at first Remus had been rather timid, not going beyond gentle kissing, it hadn't taken much for him to become more bold. Now Sirius knew of the passion that hid behind that quiet exterior, knew there was so more to be had. He'd grown hopelessly addicted to Remus' touch, and he wanted more.

"I love you," he whispered to Remus, who said nothing, but hugged him tight as they kissed again. This was blissful, but Sirius knew it could be even better. He lowered Remus until he was sprawled on the grass, such a wonderful offering. Sirius slid his hands over the graceful limbs, encouraged when Remus stretched out even more. Yes, this was good, and there would be more. 

Aware of his greater weight, Sirius pressed himself carefully over him, thrusting gently against him, loving the sweet sounds of enjoyment his Remus had begun to make. He drifted his hands down to undo Remus' tie and collar... This was it.

He'd barely gotten a touch of warm skin when the other boy froze and, with effort, slid out from under him, sitting up. 

"Don't."

"What?" He must have misheard.

"No."

Burning with frustrated desire, Sirius glared at him. "Why not? There's no-one to fucking watch!" 

Remus swallowed, eyes showing a touch of -- fear? -- then set his jaw. "I don't want to do that," he said steadily. He began straightening his clothes with hands that trembled slightly.

"You sure sounded like you did." 

Remus glanced at him with a frown. He remained silent, but Sirius was already sorry for what he'd said. He took a deep breath to calm himself down. Several deep breaths. "Remus," he said at last, "we've been doing quite a lot together. Don't you feel it's time to go farther? I mean, we're not kids. We're both ready."

"Just because we're both excited doesn't mean we're ready," Remus said, arranging his legs so that his chin rested on his knees. "I don't want to." He stared at the water.

Sirius crept up behind him. "You mean, you don't want to now, right? You don't really mean you don't..." He fell silent, studying the pale profile. Where had that sudden sign of fear come from? Sirius knew Remus loved him, knew Remus knew how **he** felt toward him, so... why had there been fear?

"Remus...?" 

Sirius stopped, not knowing what to say.

In any case, Remus didn't reply to the unspoken question in his voice, but standing, held out his hand to Sirius. "We'd better go in. It'll rain soon, and it's almost time for lunch." 

The last remnants of his erection vanished at that matter-of-fact tone. 

"Yeah."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

"So he said no?" James asked as he and Sirius sat alone in the common room. Remus had already gone to bed and the idea of him just lying there under warm blankets had driven Sirius crazy with lust. Huddled by the fire, he hadn't been able to stop from telling James his frustration. Maybe James would know what to do, because he sure didn't. The past couple of days had been frustrating, to say the least.

"He doesn't say anything. He says **nothing** about it," Sirius replied morosely. "Whenever I try to bring it up, he just goes quiet on me. It's 'Hey, time for lunch' or 'Look, a rabid owl!'" 

"A rabid owl?" James asked, eyebrows going up with disbelief. 

"That's what he said." Sirius burrowed himself deeper in his chair.

"Hmm." James stared into the gradually fading fire.

Sirius waited.

James sighed explosively. "Well!"

Sirius waited some more.

"Prongs, you're not being helpful!" he finally yelled.

"Well, I don't know what he's thinking!"

"Great. So you know as much as I do." Sirius buried his face in his hands.

"This isn't going as smoothly as we'd hoped," James commented to himself. 

Sirius suddenly dropped his hands and looked hopefully at him. "How did you convince Lily to go through with it?" 

James half-laughed. "That's kind of too-personal, Sirius!!"

Sirius shrugged in half-apology. James continued. "Besides, how do you known we've done anything?"

"You mean you haven't?" 

"Well, I'm not saying that either, but --"

"Hell, it's not like I'm going to tell everyone about it! I wouldn't do that. All I want to know is how --"

James lifted his hands up. "Wait a second. Let's not get too excited. Alright, we have been together, but it was a mutual thing. We both --" He watched as Sirius sat back in his chair, disappointed. "I'm sorry."

"No. I'm sorry." He sighed. "I know he loves me. I know he does. And I love him so much; he looks at me with those eyes and I just want to melt. When he holds me, it's like I could die right then and I wouldn't care. And when he's transformed -- oh, James, I don't know if you can sense it, but he has this grace, and he **radiates** this strength..." Sirius rocked back and forth, hugging himself happily.

"Boy, do you have it bad," James said.

The dirty look he got was pure Sirius. "Well, **you'd** know, Mr. Lily-is-a-goddess-who-can-do-no-wrong."

His friend laughed. "I wish I could help you, Padfoot. But if Remus doesn't want to talk about it with you, I doubt he'll talk to anyone. And, you know, he can be quite imposing in spite of his quiet demeanour. We were talking once and he actually sort of scared me. And he was eating candy at the time!"

"What were you talking about?"

"Er -- getting you a date, you know, the usual."

Sirius smiled. "Well, it served you right."

They both glanced at the clock when it struck the quarter. Sirius felt his dejection return when James got up and stretched. "Guess we should go to sleep now. Getting nippy down here." 

Tucked in his toasty bed later, Sirius remained glumly wide awake.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

The holiday was nearly over and Remus was still unwilling to let matters between them go any further. Partly for research, partly to keep his mind busy, Sirius had gotten every book on wolves that he could find in the library (having long ago read all the ones on werewolves, prejudiced though they were). 

Sprawled on Remus' bed, he kept showing him the pictures, his constant comment, "You're prettier." Remus had demurred at first, but Sirius observed how his eyes filled with pleasure at the compliments. 

"That could almost be us," Sirius said, as he studied yet another photo. Remus leaned over his shoulder to look. One of the wolves was sitting in the snow, eyes half-shut in the sunlight as it rested. The other wolf, a darker color, stood close by, staring into the camera with a menacing glare. It bared its teeth at them.

Remus smiled. "You're the mean one."

"Recognised me, I see." Sirius gazed the two wolves a while, then turned the page. Keeping his eyes on the book, he asked very casually, "So...when do you think **we** could be together?"

No reply.

"I mean... do you think you'll be ready anytime soon?" Sirius prodded. 

"Are you planning to go somewhere?" There was irritation in his tone.

"No. Of course not." Sirius sighed inwardly. He put the book aside and rolled onto his back. "Wolves mate for life, the story goes," he said, stuffing a pillow under his head. 

"So I've heard." Remus dragged one of the books over and started browsing through it. Sirius studied the down-turned face. 

"I've had dreams about us, Moony. Yes, **those** kinds of dreams." Sirius said in frustration. He reached out, lightly touching Remus' hand. "I've dreamt of being with you. You were so beautiful in them, I could hardly stand it; I almost came over and crept into your bed." He was thoughtful, recalling those night-time scenes. "I **love** you, Remus. I **love** you. I don't want to be with you just because I want you, but because I think we're meant to be together --"

"The rest of our lives?" Remus said drily.

Now Sirius did get angry. "Yes! Don't you feel the same way? Don't you want to stay with me?"

He looked at him a long moment. "I want to stay with you always." Remus spoke quietly. "But I don't want to risk hurting you. What if... something happens one night?" He gestured to himself. "And I give this to you?" 

Sirius sat up. "Is that why you've been so stubborn about it? Why you haven't let us go further?" Remus gave a short nod. Sirius clasped his hand. "You won't hurt me, Remus, even if we spend all our nights together. You won't."

"You don't know."

"Well, no. But I'd risk most anything for you." Sirius moved closer, kissing the pale face, his cheeks, his chin, the tip of his nose. For a while, Remus didn't resist, holding himself still under his loving onslaught. But finally the sweet month opened to him.

"Oh," Remus breathed. "I do want you, so much," he murmured desperately, clenching Sirius' black hair tight in his hands. Sirius eased himself out of his grasp, looking at him. Quietly, Remus reached out to the other boy, laying both hands on his face, fingers caressing. "And I think of us being together."

Sirius licked his lips, then removed the strong hands that were exploring his face, with their help easing Remus onto his back. Remus was silent as Sirius loosened the knot of his tie, as he opened his collar and slid his hand inside. Warmth and soft skin met him.

Sirius froze suddenly, eyes meeting Remus', when he felt the scars on the thin collarbone and shoulder. "Is that where..."

The other hardly breathed. A slow nod.

Sirius hesitated, then unbuttoned more buttons and pushed the cloth back further, looking down at jagged white lines that marked the werewolf's cruel gift. He ran a finger along them, glanced up again to see how his friend was taking this. Remus let out a shaky sigh, but did nothing to stop him. 

Gently, Sirius kissed the white scars, then rested his head on Remus' chest, content with simply this for the moment. The silence between them had gone on for a long while when Remus spoke. 

"If I don't do this, you won't leave me."

It wasn't a question, rather a statement of fact. But Sirius answered anyway. "No, I won't leave you." 

Nothing more was said for another while, then Remus spoke, the indecision vanished from his expression and his voice. "Not here, though. It's too open."

Sirius raised his head. "Where then?" he asked.

Remus smiled at him. "We can go to my house."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

They planned it for the following night. Since they shared the same dormitory, there wasn't much formality to be had. But this would be a special occasion, so Sirius tried. He'd decided to surprise Remus by wearing his black dress robes. He stared at himself in his mirror. His nervousness was showing. Not good. Taking some deep breaths, he managed to look closer to his usual confident self. 

But his stomach was giving little twinges of worry. He hoped he wouldn't get sick. ' **OK** , that's enough,' Sirius thought briskly. 'Everything will be fine.' 

He walked around the corner of his four-poster over to Remus' bed. He was sitting quietly, staring at the floor. He also had worn his dress robes, dark green with subtle silver highlights. 

"Hi."

Remus stood. "Hello." They smiled at each other. "I see we had the same idea," Remus added. Sirius nodded.

After a hesitation, they headed down the stairs to the common room. James and Lily sharing a chair, looked up in surprise when they saw them. "Wow. Going out?" the former asked.

"Course we are. Would we dress up just to sit around here?" Sirius asked. Remus just smiled.

Lily was giving them searching looks. "Feels to me like something's up," she announced.

Sirius kept his peace; he was going to let that opportunity pass him right by. But when Remus started getting red in the face, he gave in. "Actually, we'll have something up later."

Remus winced. "Oh, that's... bad." He narrowed his eyes at Sirius' expression. "Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"That "innocent" look of yours. It doesn't work with me."

"Oh." He sniffed with disappointment.

James and Lily were losing their battle to hold back their grins. They obviously knew what was planned for the night. Trading a look, Sirius and Remus made a mutual decision to leave quickly before the match-makers got too self-satisfied. "Well, bye all," Sirius said. He held out his hand.

Remus took it firmly. "Good-night," he said to the others.

"Night," Lily answered.

"I won't wait up," James drawled as Sirius and Remus clambered through the Gryffindor entrance. It was the last thing they heard as the portrait closed.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Once out in the grounds...

"Well, that was embarrassing," Remus complained. 

"I hope that's the last we hear of it," Sirius agreed.

They glanced at each other a moment. "Nah," they said simultaneously. 

After a laugh, an extreme self-consciousness struck them both. They had said little to each other all day, and any small talk would be awkward. 

"Come, on, Moony," Sirius murmured at last.

They set off. Following his habit, Remus checked on the waning moon. "I'm glad it's over for this month."

"Mmm."

"In spite of my having to get talked into this, I **am** glad it's happening." Remus squeezed his hand. "You know that, don't you?"

"Mmm," Sirius said again, trying to keep his mouth shut. 

Remus frowned. "Are you alright?"

He glanced over at Remus and swallowed. "Actually," he confided, "I feel like throwing up."

Remus immediately stopped walking and embraced Sirius. Sirius closed his eyes as his body started getting interested in something more pleasant. Remus nibbling under his chin encouraged matters. He groaned. "That feels really good, Remus, but I won't be able to walk if you do that."

Remus laughed. "Ah, well, then. We'll run!" He took off swiftly. His teasing voice floated back to him. "Can you catch me, love?"

To his amazement, Sirius felt tears spring to his eyes. Remus had never called him that before. He sped after, grabbed Remus from behind and dragged him along... he was glad the school was out on holiday; he was sure their laughter could be heard from the castle.

Finally they neared the first of their goals. Breathing hard, they stared up at the Whomping Willow, its branches moving only slightly. "Looks like a gentle breeze tonight," Remus joked. But as they got closer, the tree became more agitated. Remus quickly stilled the branches. They slid into the dark tunnel, using their wands for illumination. They were quiet for much of the way. 

Halfway along the way, Sirius realised something. "Our dress-clothes are going to get dirty." Then another thought, "On the other hand --"

"We won't keep them on long enough to care," Remus replied, glancing back to smirk at him. 

"Planned that, did you?"

"No." They finally arrived at the Shack. "But I don't mind either."

After they had brushed dirt from their robes, Remus embraced Sirius. They simply held each other, swaying slightly.

"Love you," Remus whispered.

There was a smudge of dirt on his face. Sirius wiped it carefully off, then looked in the direction of the stairs. "Shall we go?" he said quietly. 

Remus nodded. Turning, he led him up the staircase and to the bedroom door. He let out a deep breath. "And here we are."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Sirius waited by the entrance as Remus went to light the candles, watching his pale face reflect their golden glow. Stepping near, he felt his emotions well up, happiness making his chest tight. "You're so beautiful," he said. Remus turned in his arms, smiling up at him. 

He shut his eyes, focusing on the sensations; the firm, warm weight of the body against his, the scent of the shampoo Remus used, the feel of the soft fabric under his hands. Running his mouth down Remus' cheek, Sirius softly scraped his teeth under his throat. 

Remus suddenly grabbed onto him. "Oh, God!" He pushed away. "I don't think I'll last too long if you do that," he said wryly, when he'd gathered himself. 

"There are worst things."

"True." After a moment, Remus drew near again and started removing Sirius' collar. "I'm nervous, too," he added, keeping his eyes on what he was doing, lifting his chin only when Sirius reached to unfasten his green robe.

Sirius glanced at the massive bed, its parted curtains revealing the heavy covers and plump white pillows. "Have you slept here much?" They laid their robes on the chair, working on the rest of their clothes.

"Not really. When I was younger, I would wait for Madam Pomfrey downstairs. I hardly came up here."

"Well, that explains why it's so...er..."

"Intact?" Remus completed, tugging at a final, difficult knot. 

Sirius nodded as he waited for Remus to pull the last of his clothes off. He rested his hands on Remus' shoulders, fingers rubbing the old scar. Remus shuddered and wrapped his arms round him, bringing them close together. Tilting his head, Remus brushed his lips against his own.

Just the soft kiss sent tiny shocks through the rest of him. And he had to have more, had to go deeper. With a tentative tongue, Sirius pushed against that mouth and Remus allowed it, obediently letting him in. More heat formed between their bodies as their arousal grew. His hands went to Remus' hips, pressing him nearer. Sirius' heart exulted. Both of them wanted this!

Remus broke away to breathe, stared at Sirius dizzily. Smiled before he tipped his head back to reveal his neck. Sirius went after it without hesitation, feeling the pulse there rise in tempo under his lips. Nuzzled up and down the skin, as soft as he'd ever imagined it. 

"Oh. Please."

Sirius pulled back slightly at the moaned words; his Remus's voice had roughened with lust. "Please?"

"Mark me."

"Remus..." The thrill of possessiveness went through him. Seeking and finding the proper spot, Sirius sucked on it, until his mouth hurt with the effort.

He pulled back and saw what he had left. An ugly red welt on Remus' pale skin caused him to regret his rash action, but Remus pulled him over to the bed, and there were other things to concentrate on. 

Remus' fever-hot flesh slid repeatedly against his stomach as they moved together. Sirius automatically reached to clasp their erections in his hand. He loved the odd noice Remus made, a combination of a squeak and a whimper. "You do it, too," he whispered hoarsely. Remus complied, his elegant hand stroking on top while Sirius fondled below. He looked at Sirius, eyes wide with pleasure, and shining with love.

Sirius had lost the ability to speak. He just wanted this to go on forever, in this lonely place with the candles shining in the darkness and his beautiful Remus loving him, and he loving him back...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

"Did you like it?"

"Oh, God, yes," Remus said, smiling gently, eyes still closed.

Sirius thought about it, feeling Remus inside him, seeming to touch the very core of him. And being inside Remus, and feeling the astounding pleasure of that warm, tight hold. 

"Which did you like better?" he asked after another bit.

"Hmm."

Remus didn't say anything else for a long time and Sirius had thought he'd fallen asleep. But then he spoke. "The bottom, I... don't know... I liked the way you seemed to go mad for me, like you'd die if you didn't have me." Remus opened his eyes to look at him. His skin was faintly flushed again, but for different reasons than before.

Sirius was somewhat embarrassed himself, but he nodded agreement. "You were the only thing I could think about. You and the light."

His friend sat up, caressed Sirius' face. Then he leaned back against the headboard, gazing round the room. "I'm glad we came here. Poor house, it needs to have good memories. **I** need to have good memories of this place..."

Sirius watched him, and when his expression started getting too somber, he pulled him back under the covers. "Let's make some more," he whispered. "Make love with me, Remus."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Sirius lay in his bed in their dormitory, listening to the others as they settled for the night. But he was waiting for his lover. Several minutes later, hearing the drapes shut, he turned onto his side as Remus slid under the bedclothes, moved into his arms and pressed up against him. The familiar heavy scent of musk came with him, instantly arousing Sirius. He caressed warm skin, kissed the eager mouth. 

"Damn, you're gorgeous," he murmured.

Remus chuckled. "You can't even see me." 

"I don't have to."

Remus gave a long sigh of content. He moved to lie on his back, pulling the other boy on top of him. "Want you inside me first tonight," he said. He reached downward to tug and slowly stroke Sirius' erection. The long firm touch caused Sirius to let out a strangled moan.

"Oh, yes...oh, fuck...oh, yes, oh -- Remus!"

A couple hours later, when calm had finally settled over them both. Sirius took the opportunity to ponder a new possibility that had occurred to him during the day. "Remus?" 

"Mmm?" 

"You know, I **am** Animagus."

The reply was slurred. "Yes." 

"Don't you think it would be interesting if we ..." He faded tactfully off, although his thoughts were anything but.

Quickly picking up on the unspoken, however, Remus perked up, opening his eyes and turning round in Sirius' arms. "An Animagus," he repeated. 

"Just imagine what we could do," Sirius prodded. But he saw that Remus didn't need too much of that. The proposal was intriguing to him; it showed clearly in his intent face. 

Remus frowned slightly. "Of course, we couldn't do **that** here. James and Peter would really kill us. Somewhere... private."

"Our honeymoon bed?" Sirius suggested knowingly.

"That would be perfect." A pause. "Oh, Paddy..."

Desire burned in the soft voice. Sirius smiled as Remus rubbed himself for a moment against his longer body, before stopping and curling up beside him. "You've worn me out," he complained.

" **I've** worn you out?" They both stifled laughter. "Tomorrow night then?"

"Oh, we could do all sorts of things together..." His voice faded away, and then only the sound of Remus' regular breathing remained.

For a long time, until sleep took him, Sirius listened.


End file.
